ZHP Abuse, Punishment Ideas?

[Smolck]

So last night my buddy who has a BMW salvage yard calls me for help on a 2006 ZHP coupe he is working on. It is a beauty of a car, AW, black interior, 6MT, matte black wheels, and only 52k miles! It was a very nice car. But it runs like pure crapola. So my buddy tried putting a VANOS kit in it, new CVV, new plugs, etc but it runs horrible.

Come to find out the owner overheated the original engine, had it replaced with a non-ZHP engine, and now it has major ECU issues. Real time stats of the car were all over the map, the intake temp sensor showed a temp of 44,000 degrees Celsius! (the surface of the sun is 55,000 degrees Celsius for comparison).

So obviously this car is hosed beyond words. I don't know the guy and hope he isn't a member here, but he should be punished. Ideas?

[nike001]

This coupe seems to be a very good candidate for an S54 heart swap

[Smolck]

This coupe seems to be a very good candidate for an S54 heart swap

That is hardly proper punishment. If the guy overheat his car, methinks the constant maintenance and periodic valve adjustments on the S54 are too much for him.

[Newjack]

Dane, we're all looking at your for that engine swap.

[Ryans323i]

Hang him up by his toe hairs?

[Smolck]

Hang him up by his toe hairs?

Never heard that one before. Creative! I like it.

[Hermes]

Does it run at all? Sit him down and burnout a set of rears while he chokes on burning rubber!!!

[nike001]

That is hardly proper punishment. If the guy overheat his car, methinks the constant maintenance and periodic valve adjustments on the S54 are too much for him.

You'd be surprised at how many people would drive their cars till their pistons melt to the head. Most people don't know that once you get in the red, you have to turn the car off no matter what if you don't want engine damage. I've heard people all the time saying it went to the red and then drove 5+ miles to get off the highway exit by their house. People are dumb.

But this car suffered this damage from the PO, and not your junkyard buddy..correct? Or are they the same person?

[yura]

Make the guy drive a mid-90's Taurus for a year.

[Newjack]

Make the guy drive a mid-90's Taurus for a year.

ahahaha My old roommate had one but he didn't have brake pads on the front wheels because they were so worn down. He braked by using the E-brake.

[danewilson77]

Hang him up by his toe hairs?

Armpit and nose would also work here.

[Crickett]

Find one of those crappy Civic-disguised-as-an-M3 & tell him the dealer gave him a free upgrade.

EDIT: Like this.
http://hooniverse.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/BNzbUJQ2kKGrHgoOKj4EjlLmn4WBJrd2wOe.jpg

[Newjack]

Find one of those crappy Civic-disguised-as-an-M3 & tell him the dealer gave him a free upgrade.

EDIT: Like this.
http://hooniverse.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/BNzbUJQ2kKGrHgoOKj4EjlLmn4WBJrd2wOe.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/EpRYQ.gif

[Smolck]

Make the guy drive a mid-90's Taurus for a year.

This is fitting! great post

[Smolck]

But this car suffered this damage from the PO, and not your junkyard buddy..correct? Or are they the same person?

Yea, the guy who owns the car jacked it all up. My buddy is just trying to help him fix it.

[Hermes]

Shad, what did he do with the original motor? Did he at least take out the performance camshafts and transplant

[Smolck]

Shad, what did he do with the original motor? Did he at least take out the performance camshafts and transplant

Not to my knowledge.

[Crickett]

Not to my knowledge.

ÜberFAIL. :facepalm

[nike001]

I don't see why it's being seen as such a sin to not take the cams out of his previous ZHP engine. PO probably didn't want to spend the extra cash to pay someone to take the old cams out, then swap them for the ones in the new engine. For some people, that wouldn't seem to make sense. You have to remember, not many people are capable of digging in to and DIY'ing things on their car. Most people prefer to just throw it at the dealer and say "fix it"

[JohnnyGraphic]

That Civic is WAAAY to nice for someone who jacked up a perfectly good ZHP.

I say reruns of Saved By the Bell? Watching EVERY piece of footage of the Kardashians? Lady Gaga? Britney Spears? Just a few punishing things that I could think of.

Or, make him drive it for the rest of his life.

[az3579]

I don't see why it's being seen as such a sin to not take the cams out of his previous ZHP engine. PO probably didn't want to spend the extra cash to pay someone to take the old cams out, then swap them for the ones in the new engine. For some people, that wouldn't seem to make sense. You have to remember, not many people are capable of digging in to and DIY'ing things on their car. Most people prefer to just throw it at the dealer and say "fix it"


The reason why it's a sin:

The person who transplants an engine that's lesser than what they originally had is just plain cheap.

They make a perfectly desirable car all of a sudden undesirable. There is no sense in that.
That's not to mention that they f@#$ed it all up in the process, and now see where the cheapness has gotten them; they're going to end up paying more just to fix this mess than as if they just fixed it right the first time. This is where the problem lies; even if the engine is a similar engine, such as an M54B30 but without cams, the ECU is programmed to work with an engine that has cams. I'm sure the ECU isn't the only thing that was designed to work a certain way. Even swapping the ECU won't work properly; there is probably a tamper dot present on the cluster, effectively making the car's value drop like a rock.

Bottom line is, you can't just swap in a lesser engine and expect it to work. This is where the cheapness comes into play.

Fix once.

[nike001]

Everyone is cheap though.

You'd be surprised at how many people buy 100k 7-series or M3's at work, and 12,000 miles later they're coming in to service and bitch and moan about having to buy tires that are $1200. People just don't like shelling out that extra dough after they just bought a car. I wouldn't even know what do to with myself if my engine blew.

[az3579]

Everyone is cheap though.

You'd be surprised at how many people buy 100k 7-series or M3's at work, and 12,000 miles later they're coming in to service and bitch and moan about having to buy tires that are $1200. People just don't like shelling out that extra dough after they just bought a car. I wouldn't even know what do to with myself if my engine blew.

Yeah, but how many of those people would even think to replace it with a lesser engine?
This is the first I've ever heard of someone putting a lesser engine into a BMW just to save a couple of bucks. It doesn't happen often.

I know that you at least wouldn't do that. :)

[nike001]

Yeah, but how many of those people would even think to replace it with a lesser engine?
This is the first I've ever heard of someone putting a lesser engine into a BMW just to save a couple of bucks. It doesn't happen often.

I know that you at least wouldn't do that. :)

Maybe that guy just needed it fixed proto. I'd think that ZHP engines are a bit hard to source. It could have been just some guy needing a new engine in his "very not special at all" car :P Maybe he's not a car guy and doesn't care?

Usually car guys try to upgrade their engine when their current one blows.

[Smolck]

ZHP engines aren't hard to source, that I am sure about. I have done it both ways, my 323i was a 5 year experiment in "frugality" and I did a lot of things I wouldn't do again. And ended up having to pay more to re-do some stuff I tried that didn't work. My ZHP I am approaching the exact opposite. But the bottom line is if you are dumb enough to drive any car in the red (especially a BMW) you should at least put an engine in it that matches what came out.

The real "sin" is overheating a ZHP engine with 53k miles.

[UdubBadger]

This coupe seems to be a very good candidate for an S54 heart swap

read my mind...
:drool


but yes thats no punishment at all.

Send me the ECU, I'll punish him.